The Fanfic Attempt...Good Grief
by Weapon of Choice
Summary: I attempt to write a fanfic with the characters of TPOTO. Chaos ensues. Beware Raoul lovers.


Disclaimer: No I obviously don't own any of the characters except myself, though I would happily allow Erik to live in my attic. I haven't read the book in a while; so don't skewer me too bad. This is also my first attempt at humor of any kind, just keep that in mind and please be nice.  
  
Erik, Christine, and Raoul look around bewildered  
  
Erik: What are we doing here?  
  
Christine: Where are we?  
  
Raoul: I wanna go home!  
  
Me: Silence! I brought you all here so I could write a fanfic about you.  
  
Erik, Christine, and Raoul: Nooooooo!  
  
Me: Yes, and seeing as I have complete control over you, it seems you have no choice.  
  
Erik, Christine, and Raoul: ^sigh^  
  
Me: Sooooo…the first thing I'll do is un-kill Philippe.  
  
Philippe suddenly appears  
  
Philippe: Well, I have no complaints about that.  
  
Me: I brought you back because I kinda like you even though your brother is a dolt.  
  
Raoul: Hey!  
  
Philippe: She's right you know.  
  
Erik: Amen there.  
  
Me: And Christine, I'm going to have you fall in love with Erik  
  
Christine: What?!?!  
  
Raoul: What?!?!  
  
Erik: Cool!  
  
Raoul: Noooo! She should be with me! I'm the rich handsome one!  
  
Me: You're also an idiot.  
  
Christine: She's got you there.  
  
Me: I will have Erik and Christine run away together.  
  
Erik: You know, I like your way of thinking.  
  
Christine: But he killed people!  
  
Me: I can write that part out.  
  
Christine: But that messes up the entire story!  
  
Erik: Wait, wait, let the crazy writer lady talk. I kinda like her idea.  
  
Raoul: BUT WHAT ABOUT ME!  
  
Me: Shut up Raoul, before I decide to kill you off entirely  
  
Raoul: YOU CAN'T DO THAT; I'M HANDSOME AND RICH!  
  
Me: Watch me. Erik, chandelier please.  
  
Erik: Oh goody!  
  
Me: You either say you like the story this way Raoul, or I tell Erik to let go.  
  
Philippe: Oh just say you like it. Chandelier smashing is a bad way to go.  
  
Raoul: Noooooo!  
  
Me: On the count of three…one…two…  
  
Raoul: I LIKE IT! I LIKE IT!  
  
Erik: Darn!  
  
Me: Good. You can put the chandelier back Erik.  
  
Erik: ^grumbles^ Now where's the fun in that?  
  
Raoul: I think I just wet myself.  
  
Christine: So what happens to me crazy writer lady?  
  
Me: I am going to have you run off with Erik, become a world class singer, and live happily ever after.  
  
Christine: Well, that doesn't sound too bad.  
  
Raoul: ^sputters^ But you love me!  
  
Christine: Hey, if the crazy writer lady says I'm going to have all my dreams fulfilled and live happily ever after with Erik, who am I to argue?  
  
Erik: ^aside to me^ Thank you, thank you, thank you!  
  
Me: No problem.  
  
Raoul: I HATE YOU ALL!  
  
Philippe: Excuse me, but why am I alive again?  
  
Me: I don't really know. I just kinda liked you. Maybe I'll marry you off to Meg.  
  
Philippe: The dancing girl?  
  
Me: Yeah, she's quite cute. You'd like her.  
  
Philippe: Well, ok.  
  
Christine: Now my children aren't going to be like Erik are they? I mean I'm not going to have to make them rooms in the basement am I?  
  
Me: No, they'll be quite lovely. And Erik is actually going to find that there's a doctor who can fix his face and he turns out quite handsome…  
  
Erik: Whoohoo!  
  
Me: …but you don't really care what he looks like because you love him anyway.  
  
Christine: Well, that's sweet!  
  
Erik: I really think you have the makings of a great author, crazy writer lady.  
  
Me: Thank you.  
  
Raoul: …but…but…  
  
Christine: Now be a good sport Raoul. I think it's a sweet touch.  
  
Erik: ^under his breath^ Then why didn't you fall for me in the real book?  
  
Me: Probably because you were psychotic and filled with angst, not to mention you kept strangling people.  
  
Erik: True.  
  
Christine: So what are you going to do with Raoul?  
  
Me: Well, first I considered just killing him…  
  
Raoul: Nooooo!  
  
Erik: Sounds like a plan to me.  
  
Me: …but then I figured I'd just humiliate him somehow and let him off at that. He did try to save Christine at the end of the book.  
  
Erik: If the Persian hadn't been there I bet he wouldn't have.  
  
Christine: ^eyes Raoul suspiciously^ Really?  
  
Raoul: I would have! Honest!  
  
Philippe: Well, you didn't exactly do me any favors.  
  
Me: That's all beside the point. I think Raoul could lose all his money playing cards or something…  
  
Erik: And then he'd be a penniless moron!  
  
Me: Well, I wasn't exactly going to put it quite like that.  
  
Erik: And I get the girl! Do you know how I've longed for this day?  
  
Me: All too well, you only mention it every time you talk or sing.  
  
Raoul: UNFAIR! IT'S ALL UNFAIR!  
  
Me: I tell you what's unfair pretty boy. What's unfair is everyone hating Erik because he looks different. What's unfair is him having to wear a mask all day…  
  
Erik: Tell it sister!  
  
Me: …what's unfair is him having to hide in the basement of an opera house while you stand around acting like a fop and trying to get it on with the only woman he's ever loved…  
  
Erik: Well put!  
  
Me: …now THAT is unfair.  
  
^Pause^  
  
Christine: I feel so guilty.  
  
Philippe: Me too.  
  
^Both go hug Erik^  
  
Erik: Thanks guys.  
  
Raoul: BUT HE TRIED TO KILL EVERYONE!  
  
Philippe: But still…  
  
Christine: He simply was treated poorly as a child and now has anger management issues. It was his cry for help is all.  
  
Erik: ^nods^  
  
Raoul: I can't believe this.  
  
Me: Hmmm…what next.  
  
  
  
Does anyone want me to continue this thing? I will if you want me to. If not there you go. 


End file.
